Acceptance and Parenting

How can I help my son be the most amazing person he can be?

I love to talk to God about my son.  I want my son to be wildly successful.  Maybe that is financially maybe not.  I want my son to be an abundantly successful person.  A great person, loving husband and parent, gifted professional, etc … what are your “wants” for your loved ones?  How do we make that happen?  (to the best of our ability, let’s be humble and real)

If you had a choice, which would be more helpful …

Affirming your child every single day in every single way?

Accepting your child every single day in every single way?

Affirming and accepting are not the same, I think.

Affirming is a pat on the back, an “attaboy”, a sign of approval for doing a desired thing or achieving a planned goal.  Affirming is rather top-down, one directional, earned.  Affirming can be done from a distance with no risk.  

Acceptance is personal, risky, vulnerable.  Acceptance is side-by-side, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder stuff.  Acceptance is personal bubble intersecting with personal bubble.  We risk when we accept another.  Acceptance is not earned as much as granted.  Acceptance carries a greater sense of permanence.  

Which would you rather enjoy?  

Which would most likely help my son be the most amazing person he can be?

(yes, this is a leading question)

Dr. David Lose proposes that one of the revelations / epiphanal moments of Jesus’ baptism is the personal, poignant and powerful way that God accepts Jesus.  (link to his article below)

Think of the words spoken to Jesus… “This is my son, my beloved, with whom I am well pleased.”  As a child, how do these words sound?

There are many ways to shape a child.  We can bribe, threaten, manipulate, coerce, encourage, affirm, point, lead, provide, resource, etc our children toward the “story line” we dream for them.

Our children were born to be amazing in their own unique way.  If the path of least resistance is to help them be that, how do we help?  

What about acceptance?  Not saying we drop the resourcing, encouraging, affirming.  Maybe we drop the manipulating and coercion.  

If our children knew they could take a good risk and still be accepted, what might they do with their lives?  Who are on the front line of acceptance in our children’s lives (my life and yours)?

It is said that after the shepherds showed up at the manger telling of all the angels had told them of the baby Jesus, Mary cherished all these things in her heart.  How many a teenager has been saved because a parent cherished the day of their child’s birth?  How many a teenager does amazing things because they know they are cherished / accepted.

I recently told a mother at church that when I see children “be cute” at church, I think that child must know they are accepted.  What child would do such cute and funny things if they questioned their acceptance?  How awesome that my son and I get to worship in a church were people accept others.  Where children feel free to be “cute”.

Can you allow God to accept you?  It is not easy for us adults to take on a child like faith for children are most adept than are we at receiving acceptance.  

Believe that God accepts you.  Live like God accepts you.  With confidence I can say, nothing in this world will separate you from God.  God will honor your choice to separate yourself from God if that is your choice (though God is all about you being able to change your mind and so I am profoundly hopefully for humanity).  Since nothing can separate you from God … what good risk will you take with the life you have been given?

How about accepting someone?  It is an amazing gift that you can give to them.  Start at your home, then your neighbor, co-worker … you know the drill, accept the person in the mirror first.  God loves you for you God’s child, God’s beloved, with whom God is well pleased.

I want to thank David Lose (http://www.davidlose.net/2015/01/baptism-of-our-lord-b/) for inspiring some of my thoughts in this blog.